Where We Left Off

from by Fatty

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in loving memory of henry loring masters (1984 - 2009)

lyrics

the house creaked, feeling weak, but the wind raged
winter was coming, we were younger and felt brave
running through the underbrush, above us the pine swayed
nothing up in front of us but wonder and time stayed
still. i’m still there in spirit, it’s sensory
i can hear and feel so it intensely from memory
and see it, just the trees & the breeze, & henry & me
pretending to flee from an invisible enemy
our hearts raced when we raced and the pace meant
acres were endless, time & space were within us
and the finish was a place in the yard in our vision
now i’m sitting in a waiting room awaiting a visit
he’s a patient & they’re saying he’s in pain, I wait a minute
then I gather up the strength i’ve been saving up inside of these
memories to enter in his room, sit by his side, in fear,
crying silently & trying not to let him see my tears
i couldn’t hear statistics even if they did exist for this
his sickness is a mystery; and treatment is a guestimate
and i ain’t at my best, it’s taking everything i have
for me to be the sister sittin with him tryin’ to make him laugh

so i’m caught between a rock & the heartbreak
and i don’t wanna talk about it only for art’s sake
and i don’t want your pity or your idioms, back off
these idiots is acting like they grasp what these raps cost
it’s a sad song, yea, this is real shit
fuck a win this is fatty for the forfeit
fuck a deal, i give a fuck about making money
i’m a storm cloud, i’ll be damned if i fake sunny

too old for a shot, too young to not have one
it could be the plot i'm too cold to come back from
i'm not even whole, i'm a half, i'm a fraction,
i'm lacking, i'm hopeless, the old me is passing
the shadows have won, now my past never had sun
when i look back, it's all bad, never had fun
never laughed, the last chapter was tragedy
they say it'll pass, kiss my ass, i ain't asked, please
therapy aint gone place him in here with me
this mirror's playin games with my face, i can nearly see
his face in my face til the tears blur my vision
now i'm givin in to living like a terminal condition
like each minute brings me closer to the moment i'll be with him 
but i know that he'd be pissed if he'd witness my existence
so i'm tryin climbin' up, it's why i'm finding time to spit this
i'm reminded of my childhood, when I was shy & different
& as quiet as i was, Ry was always one to listen
always thinkin, always bringin out the best in who was with him
with a smile and a presence, it was pleasant to be with him
& at present i’m impressed with just how many people miss him

so i’m caught between a rock & the heartbreak
and i don’t wanna talk about it only for art’s sake
and i don’t want your pity or your idioms, back off
these idiots is acting like they grasp what i have lost
it’s a sad song, yea, this is real shit
fuck a win this is fatty for the forfeit
fuck a deal, i give a fuck about making money
i’m a storm cloud, i’ll be damned if i fake sunny

henry i miss you, remember as kids, dude
you and me were close enough we coulda been twins you 
always knew exactly what i needed and when you
retreated into morning i was mourning for me too
i couldn’t even see a future, now, it was all bleak
like truthfully without you, how could i be me?
i doubt you can hear me, i wish i believed
i bet it’d make it easier to deal with my grief
sometimes i wish i never reasoned with you to sleep
but the doctor said that rest was what the fuck you would need
it’s stressing me out, asking what might of happened
if i told you to fight and not nap, not be passive
and thats when i kinda have to snap myself out of it
it’s a battle but the past is the past & i have to live
i have to give credit where the credit is due
i’d of never had a voice if hadn’t had you

this is where we left off, with a hand shake
and dammit i’ll be damned if i stand in the same place
so i’m caught between a rock & the heart break
and I don’t wanna talk about it only for art’s sake
it’s a sad song, yea, but it suits me
i’m sitting here in ruins but the music just soothes me
it’s beautiful, the moonlight is bright, and the sky’s blue
and i’m a be alright cause when i write i can find you

credits

from Old Bad Habits, released September 8, 2012

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fatty Boston, Massachusetts

fatty will break your nerdy little heart. don't fall in love.

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